I Hope You Dance...
My Mother was diagnosed with inoperable stage IV lung cancer on June 22, 2000, just a day before her 63rd birthday. She went through chemotherapy & radiation as we were told it would give her quality time. She was very brave through it all and had we known the outcome, we would have said "No" to those treatments. On September 23rd, my Mother told my two sisters and me that she had had enough and wasn't going to go through anymore treatments. She asked each of us what kind of sign we would like, if God allowed, to know that she was in heaven when the time came. It was too painful to even think about because I loved my Mother with all of my heart. She was my best friend. She was always ready to go - anywhere- on a moments notice. We did so much together. After wrestling with the pain of the realization that she would soon be gone, I made my request. "I don't know Mom, I guess I would like for you to let me know what Heaven is like."

Hospice stepped in and we set up camp at my Mother's home. She withdrew and didn't say much and slept for most of the month that followed. I missed her already. She required oxygen and more medicine as the day's went slowly by. I took every opportunity to love on her, kissing her face, holding her hand and talking to her. We were with her around the clock, each taking turns caring for her. On October 19th, my Mother became alert and talkative and seemed stronger, she was even trying to get up to walk. She wanted my sister and I to sing to her, she took turns holding us, stroking our hair and face and telling us how much she loved us. She didn't want to sleep at all the whole night. So, my Mother, my sister and I stayed up all night. She wanted to do a devotional. Ironically, a new devotional book had arrived at her house that day. I read the first one and, she stated "That is truth!" I recall smiling at her response and thinking that it was a strange way to phrase it. I would have thought she'd say "that's right" or "that's true", but instead she said "That is truth". She wanted me to read another and after doing so, she again said "That is truth!". After the third one she said "Now, that is not truth!" I explained why I thought it was truth and she responded "Well now that you put it that way, that is truth!". At that moment, I somehow knew that in the future hearing these words "that is truth" would always remind me of this special God given night with my Mother.

For the past month, I was working from 10:00 to 5:00 and going straight to her house to be with her. Every moment that I was not at work, I spent with her. So, in the morning, I had to leave for work although I really didn't want to because I didn't want to miss this special time with her while we were talking and being together. I came home early to be with her, we again stayed up most of the night. On Saturday morning, she wanted to get dressed and go outside. I washed her hair for her, cleaned her up, styled her hair, put make up and perfume on her and when I showed her the mirror, she exclaimed "It is like a miracle!" As I wheeled her into the living room to sit her down on the recliner, she collapsed in my arms. Time was short now.

On Monday, the hospice nurse said she didn't have much of a pulse and she could be gone in 10 minutes or 24 hours. On Tuesday afternoon, October 24th, around 2:20, she mustered up the last bit of her strength to say "I love you". Words I will cherish forever. Two hours later, I watched her take her last breath and I thanked God for being there to take her to the other side and for giving me the courage to be there with her until He came.

Over the next few months, I would use the phrase "That is truth" and smile at the memory of the last meaningful time I spent with my Mother. I declared in my heart that this would be to me, 'Mom's phrase'.

Around the 5th month after her death, I started hearing a song on the radio. I didn't know who sang it, but the words to it said "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens." (I grew up in Atlantic City, 2 blocks from the ocean and my Mother would take us to the beach almost everyday in the summertime. My love for God and His creation grew over the years while watching waves crash at my feet as I considered all of His creation.) I thought to myself, this sounds like what my Mother would want to say to me and her family if she could. She wouldn't want us to lose faith, just because of the incredible grief. One day, it came on the radio and I called my husband and my children into the room to hear it. I told them "Listen to this song, I feel like that is what Ninny (what we called her) would be saying to us. She would want us to dance, to live and to have faith." I went to the store that evening to look for the CD but didn't know the artist's name and couldn't find it.

The next morning as I was leaving the elevator at work, at conversation started and ended with me saying "Boy, isn't that the truth!". As I left the elevator, I said out loud "The truth!" and instantly I was back at that special night with my Mother and Sister having the devotionals. In my heart I confirmed that these words will ALWAYS remind me of my Mother.

That evening, while walking through a bookstore, I spotted a book called "I Hope You Dance". I grabbed it off the shelf to see if it was about the song and it had the CD in the back of the book! I bought it and immediately sat down to read it. As I tell you what I found in this incredible book, please recall my Mother's phrase "That is truth" and her sign to me of telling me what heaven is like and this overwhelming thought that this song would be what she would be trying to say to me if she could.

The first page of the book has the words to it. The second page had a foreword from the singing artist. The next page the book began....

"This is from me to you.
This is the truth."

(I saw the words "the truth" and my heart was so comforted.)

Near the middle book, I turned and saw this page which had a picture of a word and its definition as though torn straight out of a dictionary book:

"Heaven (n.): (1) a place somehow high above the clouds, yet deep inside your soul; (2) a place of complete peace, of total and utter happiness; (3) a place that is greater than the sum of everything you will ever be or could ever imagine to be; (4) a place we all want to get to, but just not yet..."

As I turned to the last page of the book, it concluded with the following:

"No this is not the end.
It's the beginning."

God is so totally awesome and I cannot thank Him enough preventing me from finding the CD so that I could discover the book instead. This book & song confirmed what I already knew in my heart. My spirit, faith and hope are dancing indeed!

Sincerely, Michelle Owen

Book: "I Hope You Dance"
Authors & Songwriters: Mark D. Sanders & Tia Sillers,
Rutledge Hill Press

"truth"